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WORLD MENTAL HEALTH DAY 2020

*TRIGGER WARNING - I talk about my mental illness and a huge breakdown. There is very brief and not at all detailed mention of suicide and self-harm.*    About this time four years ago, I was in a terrible state. My mental illness had been getting harder to manage since moving to Switzerland a decade before, and earlier that year I’d had the last of many miscarriages at a time when I’d finally stopped expecting to fall pregnant at all. It hit me hard. I was 43. I tried to ask for help, to communicate what was going on with me, or thought I had, but for whatever reason it hadn’t worked. I was an old hand at self-medicating and would binge drink like I thought it would save the rainforests, and boy did I turn that shit up a notch. I wasn’t looking after myself in any way, shape, or form, hadn’t been for months on end, and then I got sick. Really sick. A nasty bout of viral Bronchitis, with a side order of broken rib from all the coughing, I can still hear the sound it made, an i...
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Wide Sargasso Sea

In which we see "romantic heroes" for what they really are. Jane Eyre was the first novel I ever read; I was around five or six years old (and precocious, obvs). Now, I can't say I've ever really liked Mr Rochester. I've always thought he was a scary arsehole (except Timothy Dalton’s version, for whom I experienced one of my first bouts of “thirst” - I was 10, it was all perfectly innocent and he was SO tall). Anyway, despite JE being one of my favourite books, I’d somehow never got around to reading Jean Rhys’s clap back, “Wide Sargasso Sea”. I've just remedied that, and could kick myself for not getting to it sooner. Cracking and poignant read. It's not long, only around 120 pages, but it packs so much agony into it. The parallels between Antoinette (Bertha) and Jane are so clear, yet their fates so different. Rhys kicks the agonies of a madness inflicted on someone by others, by expectation, identity (or lack thereof), lost hope, and a hearty dose ...
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An Open Letter on World Suicide Prevention Day

*I am not a mental health professional and my experience is entirely personal* Dear Everyone, Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. I'm open about my mental illness and health, but I'm not sure I've spoken about suicide before. Folks tend to find it an uncomfortable subject, so I'll just plunge ahead and be frank (and you can be Sammy, or Dean, not Winchester) - I'm no stranger to it, at least not to attempting it. It's been a long time since I felt anything more than ideation, which can be bad enough, but I carry that feeling with me every day. I remember it, on purpose, because it's not something I care to forget. It matters, I matter. It wasn't always the case, but today it drives me to find a better way to manage my illness and to live. Do me a favour? Don't judge people for it, don't be aghast at the thought. Instead, go easy. At the very least, Be Kind. If you're of the mind to help someone, listen above all else. Don'...
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